Losing It

Dan and I have known for quite a while that his work would require going overseas. What we haven't known is how long we would be out of the country. We still don't know.

We realize that we can't take everything we own with us. Not only would it be expensive, there's a lot of stuff that we simply don't need. So we have been eliminating those things we don't want by giving mementos to our children, selling what we can, donating to charity, and throwing junk away.

Thinking back, I've just realized that this is the fifth time in my life that I've been reduced to little more than a suitcase-ful of possessions. The first time was when I moved back to New York from California. I was 24 then and didn't have a whole lot anyway.

A few years later my then-husband and I loaded everything we owned into our old Ford Maverick and left Albuquerque with our 5-month-old daughter. Most of what we took with us to Maryland was baby paraphernalia. Come to think of it, we didn't have much then, either.

I lost more when I moved to Florida. Most of my precious possessions were in the attic of the house I left in Maryland. When I filed for divorce a few years later, he left the house - and all its contents - to the bank and its foreclosure process. Losing everything was bittersweet. I lost cherished mementos but also got rid of my deadbeat husband.

In 2004 Hurricane Charley hit Dan's and my home in Punta Gorda, Florida while we were on vacation. We returned to find no roof and much of our home was soaking wet. Happily our photos survived, thanks to the Rubbermaid tub they were stored in. We threw out a lot of things we loved over the next few months.

On reflection I have to admit I'm not really being reduced to a suitcase. True, that's all I'm taking with me. But I've asked Elizabeth to keep a box of my favorite things and I'm leaving a lot of other stuff behind for staging the house while it's on the market. I've also given the kids most of the family heirlooms, like the photos of my great-great-grandparents, Granny's furniture, and pillows my great-grandma quilted, praying that they will someday cherish them as much as I do.

After they return from Virginia the kids are going to take what they want and Chris, who will stay there until it sells, will take it to his new home and sell the rest on Craigslist.

It's remarkably freeing to be rid of things I don't really need and even more freeing to know that I've saved my children from the emotional trauma of going through my possessions after I'm gone.